She Girdeth Her Loins With Strength
Proverbs 31:17
Wherefore, Gird up the loins of your mind, be sober
1 Peter 1:13
March 2006
Continuing in the theme of our last installment, girding the loins of our minds, (see Archives) let us discuss a subject that can quickly bring lively, if not heated, debate: Medication. When dealing with chronic illness it is a subject that needs to be considered from all sides. Unfortunately, all too often, people weighing in with “advice” have not been in the situation themselves. Please take my opinion for what it is, just mine and based solely on my own experience. It is not my intent to persuade you to see it as I do. My desire is to help you make the choices which are right for you, your family and your spiritual well being. Having said that, let’s jump in!
In May 1997, at age 37, I underwent surgery to correct a birth defect at the base of my brain (see Archives). By the following November, I was back in the hospital. I was experiencing such debilitating pain that my recovery was being hindered. Uncertain as to what was causing the pain, my doctor ordered several series of tests which were largely inconclusive. The nerves were simply overstressed and it would take a long time for them to settle down and heal. It was then that I began to enter the hazy world usually known only to lab rats. The rats, however, have one huge advantage – no families who suffer the fallout! Much of the ensuing time is a blur of tears and medication, but the Lord is faithful and I can honestly say that I am a better person for the experience (see II Thessalonians 3:3). I am now more compassionate and sensitive to people’s individual circumstances. I try to keep in mind that although I have experienced my own health trials, I do not truly know what someone else is going through. I no longer try to process things just from my own experience, recognizing that we are all human and different.
After his analysis, my doctor wanted to attempt to chemically persuade my body to heal in one year what would normally take five or more years to accomplish if unaided by medication. While taking medication strictly to control the pain (treating only the symptom, not the cause), he also had me on a regimen of meds to calm the nerves. One I particularly remember was called Xana-flex. Our daughter, Danielle, then 15, had a more accurate name: Zombie-flex! Praise the Lord for her sense of humor; it was a great solace in itself (Proverbs 17:22). After two months I told the doctor that I just could not handle it. Yes, the medication did what it was supposed to; I could literally feel the calming effect on my nerves. However, I was good for nothing. It was then that this wonderful doctor gave me some of the best medical advice I have gotten: Never take a medication that is worse that the sickness. Granted, in my situation I had more of a choice. I was not going to die if I didn’t take it and I could continue to take the pain medication which certainly helped. I was just looking at a more protracted recovery. Here is where you have to carefully and prayerfully consider what is best for your personal situation. At that point of my recovery, I was happy if I got two hours a day out of bed. I did not want them to be of diminished quality. I made the choice to use medication to only control the pain while waiting for the body to heal itself as much as it was going to. To make the most of the few hours a day I had, I did what I could to conserve energy. This included doing our home-school work from bed, allowing Danielle to take over the housework and cooking, and learning to not sweat the small stuff. Not easy lessons for a neurotic perfectionist, but they have stayed with me and have changed my life.
And now for the other side of the coin. There were some medications, including narcotics, which I chose to continue with. Without them I would not have had any physical or spiritual life at all. Sleeping was difficult enough with them. My poor husband and daughter suffered enough with my using them. I struggled to stay spiritually strong; I needed to do what I could and for me this included taking some fairly heavy-duty medications over the course of many years.
There are some well-intentioned folks who say that to acquiesce on the point of medication is akin to not having enough faith in God’s ability to see you through a physical trial; that you are focusing on the temporal and not the spiritual. Unfortunately, it is not as cut and dried as that. Where would we draw the line in that reasoning? Should a diabetic not take her insulin; what about dialysis, chemotherapy or other medical interventions? You see how sticky the discussion can quickly become! Each virtuous woman along her family and doctor needs to decide what is best for her. Many times my wonderful husband kept me on track with my medications when I wanted to just flush them all. He had the long-range view when all I could see was that I felt crummy today. Without his love, patience, support, and encouragement – all equally matched in our daughter – I would not have come this far since May 1997. I certainly would not be entertaining the thought of full-time missionary service in Sierra Leone, West Africa! (Please see our column on this website entitled “The Road to Sierra Leone” for the complete story.)
Now, let us consider the “third side” of the coin, so to speak, and this is the most important side. Where does scripture weigh in with this discussion? As we are attempting to lay a foundation for girding the loins of our minds with strength, we must give careful consideration to the mind of God. The text at the head of this column, I Peter 1:13, instructs us to be sober minded (see also I Peter 4:7 & 5:8 along with Titus 2:4). The dictionary defines “sober” as “being regular and calm, sound in judgment and senses.” Medication can dull the senses and impair judgment. Certainly it can affect moods. My prescribed medications did all of these. So how did I conclude that it was best to take them? I could honestly see that I was worse without them in these same areas. I wanted more than anything to find my full potential – whatever that would end up being – so I could serve my Loving Savior, Jesus Christ. Anything that I am today is because He has allowed it; He gets the glory – not the medication, not the doctors, and not even my own best efforts. Seek God’s guidance through prayer, reading scripture, and even counsel from your pastor.
Another verse that assisted my deciding to take medication was Proverb 25:28 which says “He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.” I was better able to rule my own spirit, control my emotions, and bring my thoughts into captivity (II Corinthians 10:5) on medication. I began sleeping better. I was no longer physically and emotionally worn down from continuous pain. My moods became more stable. I was then able to feed myself spiritually which only improved life for everyone!
One final point to consider is the hot topic of addiction, which is a valid point. Many people in the medical profession have told me that one who is truly suffering from a high level of chronic pain is not as likely to become addicted to pain medications. I cannot prove that to be so, but it is true in my case. All of my medication adjustments and reductions have been accomplished at my request. I no longer take narcotics on a regular basis, only on rare occasions when needed. I do still take two pain medications three times daily. I am now experiencing a quality of life I have not known for over 15 years. But that is just my experience! If you have had trouble with drug addiction in the past, you would have just cause to approach things differently. You must do what is best for you. Please, prayerfully consider all the angles.
I will leave you with a favorite poem. I have cried many times over these lovely words because I can place myself in them and know that they are true.
Child of my love, lean hard,
Let me feel the pressure of thy care;
I know thy burden, child. I shaped it;
Poised it in Mine Own Hand; made no proportion
In its weight to thine unaided strength,
For even as I laid it on, I said,
“I shall be near, and while she leans on Me,
This burden shall be Mine, not hers;
So shall I keep My child within the circling arms
Of My Own Love.” Here, lay it down, nor fear
To impose it on a shoulder which upholds
The government of the worlds. Yet closer come:
Thou art not near enough. I would embrace thy care;
So I might feel My child reposing on My breast.
Lovest thou me? I knew it. Doubt not then;
But loving Me, lean hard.
- Author Unknown
Even now, my eyes are tearing with the remembrance of the many times I have leaned hard on my Blessed Redeemer. In this way, we show our love for Him. My prayer is that you, too, will come to the place of such sweet repose.
